It took a while for me to comprehend that some marital issues aren’t really marital issues, they’re really single issues brought into a marriage. You’re probably thinking “Girl what are you talking about” but just hear me out. What are some of the major issues couples fight about?

 

1.) Spending time together

2.) Jealousy

3.) Social Networks

4.) Cheating

 

Every single topic I just named is NOT issues of a marriage, it’s an issue of a single person that didn’t realize the importance of a marital commitment and decided to get married anyways. When you made that commitment to get married, you not only made that commitment to your spouse but you made a promise before God to honor, love, and respect your spouse. {Hebrews 13:4-7}  You shouldn’t be fighting with your spouse about spending time together, that means one of you is being selfish and giving your time to everyone else, except the most important person in your life, your spouse.

Jealousy is the most ugly trait in my book, and it’s definitely not a trait of a married person. If you’re currently single and dealing with jealousy issues with your significant other, ask yourself “Why am I getting jealous?” Jealousy should NOT be brought into a marriage, it will only cause problems in your marriage and allow room for the enemy to come in and destroy it. You should be confident that your significant other loves you and only has eyes for you. Don’t think about things you cannot control. If your spouse is showing signs of jealousy, that is a clear indication that the enemy is in between your marriage and it needs to be stopped immediately. {1 Corinthians 4-8} Don’t allow the enemy to get in and destroy your marriage. This goes for the people you surround yourself with as well. It may hurt to burn a bridge, but if God is telling you to burn a bridge with someone in your life, it’s because they could be a potential threat to you and your marriage. Love them from afar and pray for them because the enemy is surrounding them.

As for social networks, I could go on and on about this topic but it all boils down to this one word…. TRUST. Trust is a trait that should be defined while dating and trust issues should NOT be brought into a marriage. Trust that your spouse loves you and trust the commitment you two made. If you trust your spouse and trust that he/she will honor you, no need to go snooping around their Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or whatever else is out there. I don’t ever go to my husband’s social media sites specifically to see if he has been talking to another female on there. I trust my husband with all of my heart and I know our marriage is blessed. I won’t allow the enemy to get in my ear and tell me things like “Girl he may be a good man, but even good men cheat.” Well girl thanks for telling me how to handle MY marriage, but I got this.

As for cheating, if a man is going to cheat he’s going to cheat. Again, that’s not an issue of a married person. It’s an issue of a single person. It means the enemy came in and called a victory. I’m not saying I would never forgive my husband or that any woman should never forgive their husband’s of cheating. Forgiveness is something God gave us, so why wouldn’t we do the same for others?  However forgiveness doesn’t mean their actions are allowed. We get punished for our sins and it hurts God, so for men and women that cheat…it will hurt your spouse and it will hurt your marriage. It’s something that should be forgiven and I know will take time. I’m not saying forgiveness means overnight and you don’t have the right to divorce, all I’m saying is to react in God’s way, not the enemy’s way. Don’t go keying up his/ her car or the person they cheated on you with. It’s not their fault; it’s the enemies’ fault. Don’t give the enemy a victory.

To all my singles, work on getting your single problems taken care of before you get married. Addressing these issues and realizing that you need changing as well, not just your significant other can make for a healthy marriage.

To all my married people out there, if you’re experiencing these issues it is important to work on them and not allow the enemy to come in and destroy your marriage With all that being said, Marriages are not perfect and they will still have issues, but with the power of prayer and believing in God…the marriage is fireproof.

 

Love,

Mrs. Luster

 

Too many times we hear the saying “Let go, and let God,” but how many of us Christians actually listen? Whether it’s a situation with your spouse, ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, friend, family member, etc. Sometimes letting go and letting God is the ONLY way to get through what you’re going through. 

You found yourself broken hearted and you don’t know what went wrong in the relationship, LET GO AND LET GOD. If he can’t see your worth, there’s NOTHING you can do to make a man love you. Instead it’s easier to curse him out, make yourself bitter (especially if he already has a new girlfriend), stalk his social media and his every move, and argue with him about why you two are not together. What would happen if you just let go and let God? I’ll tell you what; ALL your worries will go away. Instead we tend to worry that if you ignore him/her or back off they’ll forget about you? If he/she loves you they’ll be back. God didn’t forget about you, so don’t forget about God. Take this time to build that intimacy with the Lord and to make yourself a stronger person.

So you find yourself in a nasty argument with your family member or a very close friend, LET GO AND LET GOD. People deal with situations differently and just as you think God is working on them, he’s working on YOU too. Instead it’s easier to talk about them and say hurtful things to each other or about each other. Don’t let emotions speak for your temporary feelings. Deep down you know you love them, and not ALL separation is bad. This goes for break-ups as well. I’ve said it before in a previous blog but it was placed on my heart to say it again. LET GO AND LET GOD, God forgave you, so why not forgive them?

Love,

Mrs. Luster

 

 

Break-ups are never easy. I remember our break-up like it was yesterday. It’s something that sticks with you and something that a lot women try to avoid, but it’s not avoidable. At some point in your life you’re going to get your heart broken..no matter how FINE you think you are lol. How you react and what decisions you make during that time will impact your life forever.

You have some women that say “I don’t need him, I’m going to put on my sexy dress and turn heads tonight!” Yeah bad idea. Sure, you may get your confidence back…but for all the wrong reasons and it’s only a temporary fix. You’re using your body to get attention and let’s be honest, men will be men and they will try to spit game to anything wearing a half naked outfit. 

Then you have some women that before they can hang up the phone with one dude, they’re on to the next. Again, BAD idea. Sure, you’ll have another guy to fill that void TEMPORARILY. You’re only covering up the pain for the moment, but eventually the pain will come back. I can’t tell you how many times I see this on a daily basis. Not only is it a bad look, but it also makes you look dependent on a man. 

Then you have some women giving up on love because they’re tired of getting their heart broken. All of these bad decisions I too made during our break-up. I had just turned 18 and thought to myself “I’m a beautiful girl, I can get any man,” but what I failed to realize was that the one man I needed in my life (besides my dad) was JESUS CHRIST. The person that needed fixing is YOU, and the only person to help you is God. 

God spoke to me one day at the right time during one of the darkest times of my life. A family member was in the hospital sick and my family and I went to visit. My cousin Joey wanted to go visit the chapel that was inside the hospital so I went with him. We walked in and it was the first time in months that I felt peace. I can’t even tell you where my cousin went or if he was even in the room because what happened next was something out of a movie. I sat down, opened the bible and the first passage that popped up was Psalms and it was talking about love. Please forgive me because I don’t remember the exact passage but it was EXACTLY what I was going through and exactly what I needed to hear. To sum it up it basically talked about letting go and letting GOD. I knew that in that moment it wasn’t a coincidence that I walked into that chapel, and it wasn’t a coincidence that as soon as I opened the bible, it talked about everything I was feeling at the moment and how to trust that GOD will be there for me. I sat there in complete awe. I knew that God was talking to me and at that moment I cried and prayed and put all of my worries to God. From that day on I was at peace. I was no longer angry with Mike, I no longer had a desire to occupy my time with boys that I knew were not Godly men, I no longer wanted to go out clubbing. I started reading the bible more and filling my heart with God’s love, instead of a man’s love. I knew that if Michael were the man intended to be my husband, he would be. Needless to say more than 6 years later we’re happily married. Looking back I realized that I NEEDED that break-up more than ever. I needed to grow and I couldn’t do that with Michael by my side. I needed to put all of my worries unto the Lord to know that whatever I’m going through he will get me through it.

So to my ladies that are going through a bad and hurtful break-up….this is your time for growth. This is your time to get closer to God and to grow with him by your side (and his time too). I pray that he eases your pain and gives you strength to come out a better woman. In Jesus name AMEN. ❤

 

Love,

Mrs. Luster

 

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught that the ultimate prize is to get married. We’re given Barbie’s to play with and you couldn’t have a Barbie without Ken, the house, and of course the kids…. but too many girls focus on one thing and one thing only, THE MAN. So much, that they begin to act like wives before they even have a ring on it. Let me elaborate on what I mean by that, I mean moving in together, having sex, having children, and acting like one big happy family. There’s just one very important thing that’s missing…. God.

How can we call ourselves women or men of God, yet we don’t use him as the foundation of our life? How can we go to church and praise him and ask for his blessings, yet we’re telling him we don’t need him. This goes for men too, how can you be a leader of your household when you’re not preparing yourself to be a good husband? You’re moving your girlfriend in, but you won’t put a ring on it. You’re allowing her to act like your wife, but you won’t act like her husband…and what I mean by that is to lead her spiritually, respect her body, mind, and soul…to commit to her before the Lord…and for some, commit to her and her ONLY.

I’m not perfect and I know people make poor decisions, but this is your chance to get it RIGHT. I can’t tell you how many times I hear the saying “how do you know if you want to buy it, if you don’t test drive it first?” Attention people, YOU ARE NOT BUYING A CAR, you’re committing yourself to your new husband/wife before the Lord. When I hear people say this, I hear “I’m not ready to FULLY commit, so I’ll just test it out to see how it works, and MAYBE I’ll commit.” You don’t need to move in with someone to figure out what you already know deep down inside. You know you’re not ready but instead you move him/her in and start acting like a married couple. You have sex every night, cook dinner for each other, and you even call each other “wifey” and “hubby,” but what happens when marriage problems start happening? What happens when things get real after you two have kids together, when they start getting on your nerves, when he/she doesn’t want to spend all their time with you anymore, or worse…. when you find out they’re occupying their time with someone else? Now you move out with your kids and they become your “baby daddy” or “baby mama.” Resentment kicks in and now you start calling your “baby mama” or “baby daddy” crazy.  Marriage is hard work and if you’re not ready for it, then don’t act like it. The difference between being single and having these issues and being married and having these issues is the commitment to God. When you’re married and things get tough, you don’t have that luxury of just walking away (which is why I will say it again, too many people are afraid of commitment). Marriage is hard work, but together with God as the leader your marriage is Fireproof. 

 

Love,

Mrs. Luster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lot of times people think they’re ready to get married, but don’t realize that the person they marry WILL change. They may gain weight, pick up new habits, they may start losing their hair…. or my favorite phrase I always hear “WAIT UNTIL THE KIDS COME!”

Which is why it’s very important that you two become best friends. Let it be more than just physical and sexual. What I often see is that when kids come into the picture, the kids become the focus of the marriage. Ladies if you wake up at the crack of dawn to make your kids breakfast and prepare their lunch…. why would you not want to do the same for your husband?

Everyone that knows me, KNOWS I like my sleep. I need a full 8 hours and I don’t like my sleep to be interrupted. However, I enjoy catering to my man. It literally brings me joy, so I’ve been waking up early (literally just started, don’t judge me lol) and making my husband breakfast. I make him eggs; toast, bacon, and I’ll even cut up some fruit for him. He loves it, and it literally makes me so happy to know that something so simple can make his day!

I may not have any kids yet, but I do know that I don’t want to forget about my marriage when they do come. I want to always “date” my husband and have regular date nights. When our future children grow up and leave us, it will be just him and I again so I want to make sure we always remain best friends. I don’t want to end up with a stranger in my home, where the person I fell in love with and vowed to always love no matter what, becomes a stranger. When the kids move away, when the intimacy goes away, when my body changes and his body changes, I want to still love him, if not more. Obviously I know trials and tribulations will happen, I’m not naive to that, but I want to love my husband (if not MORE) the way I do today.

Which is why he’s my best friend. I literally tell my husband EVERYTHING. We have regular date nights, we laugh at the dumbest things, we have inside jokes, and he knows me better than I know myself…. I NEVER want that to change. To my singles: Make sure the person you decide to marry is someone you are compatible with, someone that you can call your best friend and love of your life. Make sure he/she is someone that brings out nothing but the BEST in you. To my married couples: NEVER stop dating your husband or wife. Make sure they’re your best friends. Don’t make the kids the center of your marriage, because when they’re gone…. it’s just YOU and your spouse.

 

Love,

Mrs. Luster

 

A woman should always strive to be the best that she can be. She should be classy, speak positively, work hard, and most importantly build that relationship with God. It makes me so sad that every time I log on social media, I see a woman talking down on their baby daddy, airing out their dirty laundry on social media, talking down on their significant other just because their mad at the moment, posting unlimited club pictures with their breasts taking over half of the picture, and let’s not forget the statuses about how every guy is the SAME, and that they’re done with dating. ATTENTION ladies you CANNOT ask for a Godly man, or a good man, when you don’t have respect for yourself, and you’re not a Godly woman yourself! How can a man respect you if you can’t even respect yourself? What you put out, is what you’ll get in return. You can’t expect a good man to come knocking on your door when every other photo you post is you out at the club with a drink in your hand. It’s NOT going to happen because while you’re out at the club, that good man that you’re asking for is at home spending time with family and getting closer to God.

 

I recently came across an article comparing a women’s role in T.V from back in the day, to now. For example “Clair Huxtable,” a classy family woman that was a dedicated wife and mother. To now, women like Gabrielle Union’s character in “Mary Jane,” or Olivia Pope in scandal. The definition of a sideline, a forever girlfriend, a home wrecker, a classless woman. Is this where society is headed? Where being the sideline is okay, and where sleeping with another woman’s husband isn’t that big of a big deal? I would hope not, but it seems as though there are more “baby mommas” than there are “wives.” Ladies we HAVE to do better. So you made bad decisions in life, we ALL do. Let’s do different, let’s be different. You can’t keep going after the same type of guys and putting yourself in the same type of situation. DO NOT SETTLE AND KNOW YOUR WORTH. You deserve to be with someone who brings out the best in you, a man that respects you, a man that loves you, a man that presents you without flaws or wrinkles. You know deep down inside that he’s NONE of that but yet you stay with him because he PUTS it down in the bedroom, he’s incredibly handsome, he buys you nice things from time to time, he’s good to you when he wants to, or the most common reason you keep him around….you’re not lonely anymore! Well ALL of that means YOU HAVE NO SELF WORTH so how can you expect a man to treat you worthy? 

We have all made mistakes as humans, but it’s time to CHANGE. It’s time to be the Godly woman you yearn to be. It’s time to be a role model to young girls everywhere. It’s time to be a virtuous woman!

Love,

Mrs. Luster