#Marriage Problems

wedding ring and bible

It took a while for me to comprehend that some marital issues aren’t really marital issues, they’re really single issues brought into a marriage. You’re probably thinking “Girl what are you talking about” but just hear me out. What are some of the major issues couples fight about?

 

1.) Spending time together

2.) Jealousy

3.) Social Networks

4.) Cheating

 

Every single topic I just named is NOT issues of a marriage, it’s an issue of a single person that didn’t realize the importance of a marital commitment and decided to get married anyways. When you made that commitment to get married, you not only made that commitment to your spouse but you made a promise before God to honor, love, and respect your spouse. {Hebrews 13:4-7}  You shouldn’t be fighting with your spouse about spending time together, that means one of you is being selfish and giving your time to everyone else, except the most important person in your life, your spouse.

Jealousy is the most ugly trait in my book, and it’s definitely not a trait of a married person. If you’re currently single and dealing with jealousy issues with your significant other, ask yourself “Why am I getting jealous?” Jealousy should NOT be brought into a marriage, it will only cause problems in your marriage and allow room for the enemy to come in and destroy it. You should be confident that your significant other loves you and only has eyes for you. Don’t think about things you cannot control. If your spouse is showing signs of jealousy, that is a clear indication that the enemy is in between your marriage and it needs to be stopped immediately. {1 Corinthians 4-8} Don’t allow the enemy to get in and destroy your marriage. This goes for the people you surround yourself with as well. It may hurt to burn a bridge, but if God is telling you to burn a bridge with someone in your life, it’s because they could be a potential threat to you and your marriage. Love them from afar and pray for them because the enemy is surrounding them.

As for social networks, I could go on and on about this topic but it all boils down to this one word…. TRUST. Trust is a trait that should be defined while dating and trust issues should NOT be brought into a marriage. Trust that your spouse loves you and trust the commitment you two made. If you trust your spouse and trust that he/she will honor you, no need to go snooping around their Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or whatever else is out there. I don’t ever go to my husband’s social media sites specifically to see if he has been talking to another female on there. I trust my husband with all of my heart and I know our marriage is blessed. I won’t allow the enemy to get in my ear and tell me things like “Girl he may be a good man, but even good men cheat.” Well girl thanks for telling me how to handle MY marriage, but I got this.

As for cheating, if a man is going to cheat he’s going to cheat. Again, that’s not an issue of a married person. It’s an issue of a single person. It means the enemy came in and called a victory. I’m not saying I would never forgive my husband or that any woman should never forgive their husband’s of cheating. Forgiveness is something God gave us, so why wouldn’t we do the same for others?  However forgiveness doesn’t mean their actions are allowed. We get punished for our sins and it hurts God, so for men and women that cheat…it will hurt your spouse and it will hurt your marriage. It’s something that should be forgiven and I know will take time. I’m not saying forgiveness means overnight and you don’t have the right to divorce, all I’m saying is to react in God’s way, not the enemy’s way. Don’t go keying up his/ her car or the person they cheated on you with. It’s not their fault; it’s the enemies’ fault. Don’t give the enemy a victory.

To all my singles, work on getting your single problems taken care of before you get married. Addressing these issues and realizing that you need changing as well, not just your significant other can make for a healthy marriage.

To all my married people out there, if you’re experiencing these issues it is important to work on them and not allow the enemy to come in and destroy your marriage With all that being said, Marriages are not perfect and they will still have issues, but with the power of prayer and believing in God…the marriage is fireproof.

 

Love,

Mrs. Luster

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I’m striving to be a better wife than I was a girlfriend. I’ve recently started reading “The Power of a Praying Wife” (Awesome read, I recommend it to all the ladies, married or not), and it’s helping me become more patient, understanding, and most importantly reminds me to pray daily for my husband. 

While Mike and I were dating, fights seemed more dramatic, longer, and pointless. Now I’m not saying we don’t have pointless arguments, but we definitely get over it quicker and realize how pointless the argument was (ok, he gets over it quicker than I do, I’ll admit lol). Mike and I are complete opposites when it comes to arguing. I’m loud and I tend to curse (God is really working with me there, and it’s something I’m definitely not proud of), but he’s the total opposite. I’ll be yelling trying to get my point across and at the end of it all he’ll literally say “I’m going to let you think about what you just said and we can talk about it when you’re calm.” How can I still want to argue after that? My husband is literally so calm, gentle, and doesn’t force his point across like I tend to do. He makes me want to become a better wife and a better Christian.

Ladies learn to pick your battles. Arguing with your man because he didn’t do the dishes, or because he left the toilet seat up IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENT. Here’s another hard one that I had to learn, arguing over something that hasn’t happened yet IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENT. If you’re arguing with your man/woman about something he/she hasn’t even done yet, chances are that argument will go absolutely nowhere and you both will just be irritated. If I had a quarter for every time I started an argument with Mike over something he hadn’t even done while were dating, I’d be rich!  There’s no such thing as a perfect man/woman.  Chances are you have a great spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend by your side but your insecurities won’t let you enjoy them. You can’t keep someone from cheating, it’s just inevitable. If he/she is going to cheat then they weren’t ready for the woman/man you are anyways! They weren’t ready for commitment, and that’s okay you just pray for them, forgive them, and keep it moving. So STOP arguing about the possibility of them being unfaithful, trying to put fear in them isn’t going to keep them from cheating. 

The next time an argument starts between you two, stop and think about a few things:

1.) Is this argument even worth it?

2.) Is this something I can live without arguing about?

3.) Am I being rational right now or am I just working off emotion?

4.) Don’t forget to PRAY, PRAY AND PRAY some more.

Love, 

Mrs. Luster

 

 

 

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Dating can be overwhelming, especially in today’s society. It seems as though women are finding it harder and harder to trust a man and every song on the radio is about a cheating man. This may be a cliché saying, and I don’t want to hear “Steph you got lucky and found a good man at such a young age,” but there ARE good men out there, you just have to adjust your priorities. You can’t want Mr. tall, dark, and handsome with a “track record” and think he’ll be different with you. It really leaves me dumbfounded when a woman starts dating a man knowing VERY well of his “trifling’” ways and STILL has the nerve to act surprised when he turns around and does the EXACT same thing to them. Now I’m not saying a man can’t find God and change his ways, but you can’t be the one to make that decision for him, HE has to make that commitment. So ladies please don’t date a man JUST for his looks and think you’re a good enough woman to change him, because it’s not going to happen. Whenever a guy wanted to date me I had three simple criteria I would look for (with the exception of finding him attractive). 

1.) He had to believe in God and have faith. You can’t tell your heart whom to love. When it loves it loves and I wanted to make sure the man I fell in love with and potentially marry one day, would lead his family spiritually under God. 

2.) He had to have a healthy loving relationship with his mom. If he cursed his mom out, caught an attitude with her, or complained about his mom to me…he immediately got X’ed off of my potential list. THE WAY A MAN TREATS HIS MOM IS THE EXACT SAME WAY HE’LL TREAT YOU! If he doesn’t have respect for the woman that gave birth to him, what makes you so special? That went for his sister(s) as well. Obviously when you’re growing up your siblings can get on your nerves, but the way he argues with his sibling will show you how mature he is and more than likely how arguments between you two will go. Let’s face it ladies, at one point or another we’re going to get on his nerves, so again…if he has no respect for his own sister, what makes you so special? 

3.) He had to have goals and aspirations. I didn’t have any specific goals or aspirations I wanted him to have, but I will say this… I tried to stay away from the “wannabe rappers,” not throwing any shade to the women who like that, but let’s face it…rappers are supposed to put up this “bad boy” persona, and what rapper do you know that hasn’t been on the front of the tabloids for something negative. I want a man of a God, a man that will represent his family well, a man that will love me unconditionally, and a man that isn’t concerned with the things of this world. 

This criteria may seem simple but every time I dated a dude, sooner or later he would mess up in at least ONE of these areas. My husband passed all three with flying colors, and was the ONLY one to do so, which is why it was so easy to fall deeply in love with him making him my husband now! 

So ladies, think about your priorities when it comes to dating a man.

 

Love, 

Mrs. Luster

 

Let Go, Let God

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Too many times we hear the saying “Let go, and let God,” but how many of us Christians actually listen? Whether it’s a situation with your spouse, ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, friend, family member, etc. Sometimes letting go and letting God is the ONLY way to get through what you’re going through. 

You found yourself broken hearted and you don’t know what went wrong in the relationship, LET GO AND LET GOD. If he can’t see your worth, there’s NOTHING you can do to make a man love you. Instead it’s easier to curse him out, make yourself bitter (especially if he already has a new girlfriend), stalk his social media and his every move, and argue with him about why you two are not together. What would happen if you just let go and let God? I’ll tell you what; ALL your worries will go away. Instead we tend to worry that if you ignore him/her or back off they’ll forget about you? If he/she loves you they’ll be back. God didn’t forget about you, so don’t forget about God. Take this time to build that intimacy with the Lord and to make yourself a stronger person.

So you find yourself in a nasty argument with your family member or a very close friend, LET GO AND LET GOD. People deal with situations differently and just as you think God is working on them, he’s working on YOU too. Instead it’s easier to talk about them and say hurtful things to each other or about each other. Don’t let emotions speak for your temporary feelings. Deep down you know you love them, and not ALL separation is bad. This goes for break-ups as well. I’ve said it before in a previous blog but it was placed on my heart to say it again. LET GO AND LET GOD, God forgave you, so why not forgive them?

Love,

Mrs. Luster