One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with after getting married, is to learn to stop being the “yes” girl to other people. When friends would call, family members, etc. would call I used to always say yes to whatever it is they wanted. Most of the time it was yes to them and no to my husband. I didn’t want to be “that” girl that was always too busy to hang out with her loved ones or friends because she was too busy hanging with her man. Then it got the point where I was saying yes so much that if I said no, there was a problem. All of a sudden it went from “thanks for always being there for me,” to “you’ve changed now that you’re married,” or people would ignore me or not call me anymore. It would tear me apart. I didn’t think that getting married would cause so many of my relationships with other people to change. I didn’t know that putting my marriage first would cause others to flee from my life. Then something happened. I made a decision that as long as my household was taken care of, meaning the relationship I have with my husband and the Lord was put first, then everything else didn’t matter. I needed to stop worrying about things that God was already busy taking care of. I needed to focus on my marriage because being the “yes” girl was causing me to ignore my husbands needs and wants without me even realizing it.
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:25
This is does NOT mean forget your mother and father and ONLY love your spouse. I will always love and honor my mother and father. That’s a bond that will NEVER be broken. However, in this verse God reminds us that when we get married, we become ONE with our husband and I was still acting like we were two different people. I would make decisions about our weekend plans without even consulting with my husband. It was all about what “Stephanie” wanted to do and he just had to go along with it. My husband and I began fighting a lot more and becoming irritated with one another. He would tell me he wanted to spend time with me, but in my mind we spent EVERY DAY together so what was the big deal if I wanted to hang out with my friends? You see that wasn’t a problem at all, it was just that I wasn’t consulting with him and more like telling him these are our weekend plans. Now, you may be looking at this screen like Steph, I was with you until you made it sound like you had to get “permission” from your husband to go out. WRONG. Let me paint it a different way. If my husband were to go make plans every single weekend without me even having a say so, how would that make me feel? If my husband was saying yes to everyone else and their plans, but no to OUR plans, how would that make me feel? Now this doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy spending time with friends or family because him and I both ADORE family time. We both have a very strong bond with our siblings and parents and we’d do anything for them. This just means that we need to learn how to balance it out.
My husband and I had an argument the other night. It went from something small, to something huge. I did what any emotional woman would do. I went off. I told him that we were going to do what I WANTED and not what HE wanted to do and stormed off. I’m not perfect and sometimes I let emotions get the best of me. As I walked off I knew I was wrong instantly, but pride got the best of me. I got in the shower and proceeded to go about my business. My husband wasn’t about to let me storm off and leave it at that. He walked into the bathroom, opened the shower, turned off the shower, and handed me a towel so that we could find a resolution to what just happened. Then a sense of calmness took over after I looked into his eyes and realized how much I hurt him. I’m supposed to be a Godly wife, I’m supposed to be his rib, the one who honors, loves, and respects him. How could I let my emotions get the best of me AGAIN? How could I be so selfish? Want to know why? Because I wasn’t putting US in our plans, I was putting ME in the plans. When you try to go against your husband and let your emotions take over, it never ends well. We both calmed down and both came to the realization that we need a healthy balance. Too much time spent with friends and family or too much time spent with just each other is not healthy. It’s ok to spend time with friends and family and with each other, there just has to be a good balance. But hey, we’ve only been married for almost a year now so everything won’t be perfect. As long as we keep praying and making sure to put our marriage and the Lord first, we’ll be just fine!
For my ladies that are dealing with letting your emotions go once you get married … it’s okay. You’ll mess up and not get things right the first time. You’ll worry about everything else BUT your husband. You’ll get mad at the little things and storm off. Like me, you’re only human at the end of the day. Just as long as you pray and NEVER go to bed angry with your spouse and really learn from your mistakes…you’ll be just fine baby girl!