The definition of marriage is the legally or formally recognized union of two people in a relationship. Two words that jump out to me are union and relationship. Union is the joining of two things into one. When you marry someone, by law you two become one. You make a vow legally before God to become one with that person, taking in every aspect of their life and becoming one.
They say the first year of marriage is always the hardest. That’s because the things you once did as a single you can no longer do. When you’re mad, you can’t just disappear and shelter yourself, you can’t run to your mother or father (sometimes even best friend) to help you fix this. You can’t just push your feelings to the side, or let them build up and blow up on your spouse. I remember the first year of marriage being so challenging in the area of family. My family and I are pretty close and like pretty much every Hispanic family, we roll deep lol! I was always with my sisters, always going to family events, and not to mention the cultural differences Michael and I had.
I’ll never forget our very first New Year’s Eve celebration as a married couple. I remember thinking to myself “what did I get myself into,” if I can be totally honest. Every year my family goes all out for New Year’s Eve. We would all get together and have a big celebration with delicious Dominican food, Salsa and bachata music playing, people dancing, I mean I could go on about how my family throws down ha! Well Michael grew up celebrating New Year’s Eve very different. He spent it either in church or at home with his family.
It was out first New Year’s Eve celebration as a married couple, we didn’t have church service because at the time my father in law had just started his own church so we didn’t have a building yet. I thought to myself, hey more time to party with my family. Well Michael had other plans. He thought it would be special to celebrate our first New Year’s Eve as a married couple in our Pj’s, drinking some hot chocolate and watching the ball drop in NYC on T.V. Sounds pretty adorable and romantic right? Well I was NOT having it. I remember getting so upset, yelling (not going to lie probably even said a few curse words. Ya’ll this was before Christ delivered me from cursing lol.) I was so accustomed to spending New Year’s Eve with my family partying that I didn’t even take into consideration my new husband and how he wanted to spend OUR first New Year’s Eve.
The bible tells us we are to leave our mother and father and become one with our spouse. (Ephesians 5:31) Michael was fully ready to leave his life as a single man behind and become one with his wife. I remember this being so challenging for me at first because I did everything with family and I had serious FOMO (fear of missing out) when it came to family events. Now I’m not saying I had to just abandon my family and forget about them because I was married now. Not at all, I just had to take into consideration my husband and also tend to his needs and wants. It was so hard for me to just let go of my old life as a single woman and now become one and submit to my now husband.
I know I have written an entire blog post on here on submission so if you want a full length version be sure to check that out. I just want to discuss submission for a few. Ladies, just because you submit to your husband does not mean you become a doormat and does not mean he can use that in an abusive way. My husband and I are one. We are on the same team. I am not below him he is not above me we are on the same row. We are teammates. I submit to my husband because he loves the Lord and because of that it makes it so much easier for me to obey what the bible tells me to do as a wife and that’s to submit to my husband as he submits himself to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22) I have found that when I spend time with Lord and submit to my husband as he submits onto the Lord, our marriage is truly blessed. Does it mean it’s going to be perfect? Absolutely not, but it makes for a peaceful home when Christ is the center of marriage.
As I come to a close, just remember that you and your spouse (or future spouse for those that are not yet married) are on the same team. Don’t run from your spouse when things get hard. Don’t run back to your single life ways when things get hard. Always keep Christ at the center of your marriage and always pray for your spouse.